Sometimes the second or third date allows boy and girl to get a little cozier than the first date usually allows. You know each other fairly well, now it’s time to take it to the next level. And there are a lot of ‘excuses’ on hand so you can visit your new person’s place:

  1. “Let’s play Monopoly!”
  2. “Let’s watch that movie we talked about!”
  3. “Yeah I’m really interested in meeting your dog because technically you said he’s the sweetest greatest dog in the entire world and to me that sounds pretty interesting…”

So let’s say you’re the girl and the boy somehow persuades you to host this next big date at your place [same rules pretty much apply for the reverse situation]. There are some house chores you can do beforehand that the right guy will notice and appreciate. Thus, turning him onto you even more. I might be going overboard here, but it’s what I do as a host to make sure my date “feels at home” and not stuck at a frat-party nightmare.

Abovel all, clean your rooms. This is big. I don’t mean floor-to-ceiling sterilization wearing a HAZMAT suit, but a good once-over makes a big difference:

Living room

  1. Compose the couch if it has a bunch of pillows/blankets/snuggies on it.
  2. No weird items on the coffeetable (make it presentable and inviting)
  3. No stray DVDs or newspapers on the floor.
  4. Yoga mat rolled up and tucked away.
  5. Couch cover washed if it’s been awhile.
  6. Carpet vacuumed if overly dirty with dog hair, etc.
  7. Tile floor swiffered.
  8. Dog toys put away, but with a few CLEAN ones available if you want to play with the dogs. The ripped up rubber-chicken parts lying around are not allowed.

Bedroom

  1. Sheets washed and bed made! This is probably the most important item on the list. Pillows fluffed up.
  2. Dirty laundry basket either hidden in the closet or totally closed up so the guy doesn’t see your pink bra sprawled all over. While this is revealing and awkwardly sexy, it also means you didn’t really think about cleanliness.
  3. Closet doors closed.
  4. No weird items visible on the floor or dressers (this includes sex toys, kitchen items, etc).
  5. BONUS: a stack of books on your bedside dresser is sexy.

Bathroom

  1. Scrub-clean the sink and toilet! Muy importante. Your guest is bound to go the bathroom, so make it hotel-spotless. The soap scum and stray hairs are distracting and gross.
  2. Replace bar of soap with brand-new one, or have a guest-bottle ready. Put away all daily items, including hair brushes, lotions, deodorants, etc. A single person should be ready to put all this stuff away in a bag or inside a dresser in no time.
  3. Shower/bathtub scrubbed clean of residue and free of hairnets and inflatable bath-pillow things (for whatever reason if he needs to take a shower, then he won’t have to work around them).
  4. New ‘guest’ soap and shampoo/conditioner ready.
  5. BONUS: have a clean terry-cloth bathrobe available in case they want to emerge from the bathroom all showered and looking amazing. Come on, it’s hot.
  6. New toilet paper ready. Or at least, a roll that’s not almost done with.
  7. Replace shower curtains if they look like petri dishes. Just buy new ones.
  8. Wipe mirrors clean of spots and blemishes.
  9. Replace everyday towels with CLEAN ones, arranged neatly.
  10. Scrub floor clean of urine stains and towel dust bunnies. If short on time, swiffer.

Kitchen

  1. No dishes in the sink.
  2. Sink scrubbed clean of last week’s stir-fry mess and residue.
  3. Counters and surfaces scrubbed and cleaned.
  4. Fruit bowls free of old food. BONUS: various fruits in bowls lined up down the counter or something. Make it look colorful.
  5. Fridge: only if it’s ridiculously dirty should you scrub it clean (it’s just a health-hazard for yourself if it is, though, get it done). Otherwise, unless you’re both food freaks and you WANT to show him what you have in your fridge, just make there are no weird items in there.
  6. BONUS: have morning-after breakfast items already purchased and ready to make. I’ll never forget the look on the girl’s face when I pulled out the freshly squeezed mango-pineapple juice I prepared the night before. Go team.
  7. BONUS: have two clean wine glasses, a bottle of wine and a wine-opener ready. No pink bras lying around, ha.
  8. GENTLEMEN: have a stash of good chocolate available. In my liquor cabinet, I have Chocolove chocolate bars of many flavors (which I eat for dessert on occasion anyway, but just in case the situation calls for chocolate).
  9. Have matching wine glasses and plates, anything you plan on using that night. It should all match somehow.
  10. Kitchen table wiped and cleaned. Setting the table beforehand might be too anal; in fact doing it together while dinner is cooking would be best.
  11. Alcohol (if desired) ready and available. Wines of both colors, beer and hard liquors if necessary.
  12. If there’s no specific dinner planned, have snacks/delights ready (chips and dip, ice cream, popcorn, etc.).

Office / computer area

  1. We all have a computer, and our computer-related messes. Clean it up. Arrange the papers, notes, pens and stuff. No kitchen items. During a tour, I don’t usually ‘show’ the computer room, but you might end up looking something up online during the date for whatever reason. Make sure all the info on your desk is legit! (ie., other girls phone numbers).
  2. BONUS: pre-quit all unnecessary applications on your desktop. It’s kind of embarrassing when you wake your desktop and you both see that the last page you visited was clown porn. D’oh!
  3. Again, no pink bras lying around.

Lighting and mood

  1. This is big for me. A super-bright top light isn’t that cozy. Instead, turn on just the right amount of lamp light and spotlights to created that ‘nice restaurant’ kind of feel. Obviously you’ll want to have lights on for the kitchen and such; but with the living room and bedroom, have it pre-lighted for ultimate coziness satisfaction.
  2. Music: having something low-key and not too loud on before they arrive is very inviting. Otherwise have something ready to play on iTunes or something. Play it cool and work the room with the music you like.
  3. Smells: pre-light a scented candle (not too intense, something light, maybe even season-appropriate) about an hour before the date, and burn it in each of the rooms.

You’re now ready to impress!

Girls: I know what you’re thinking. Yeah sure if I do all this stuff for this one date, they might not even notice and it’ll just be a waste of time. Well then slip it into the conversation later on in the night and see how they respond (“hey did you notice how clean this place looks? Eh?”). If they’re worth another date, then they will actively compliment you on taking the time to clean up and making them feel at home.

Guys: I also know what you’re thinking. Dude, this is anal. My reply is: dude, get it together. If you’re not capable of cleaning up your place for company, it shows that you’re lazy and you don’t really care what your date thinks. Your living situation is a big hint into how you’ll live as her potential future husband. Be her ‘man of the house’!

Admittedly, you can try all you want and spice up the most decrepit, limited-space apartment and it still won’t look like the dream house envisioned in your mind, but it’s the thought you put into it, and that’s what’s important. Just one really retro-chic, brightly colored modern appliance or lamp goes a long way. It shows style and purpose.

(Don’t have time for all this busywork? Hire a house cleaner!)

So get cleaning! You want to land that top-of-their-game somebody? Be at the top of your game.

Any more pet-peeve inspired recommendations,  please comment them. Let’s make the world a better place.